Thursday, December 1, 2011
Exactly 3 years ago, it was a state of confusion, disillusion, slight resentment (towards myself) & a few other not-so-positive emotions. Never a day passed by without me worrying, even for the littlest thing, no matter how minor & so irrelevant it was.
All because of something that was unplanned - mind you, unplanned doesn't mean unpleasant. It was by far, a very pleasant thing, something that many people want but could not have. The only thing about the whole situation was it was unplanned & came at the wrong time.
You see, I got pregnant. Unplanned, of course.
I tried to make the journey an enjoyable one. A few things bothered me very much, my age, for example. The fact that down syndrome runs in both our families, my previous C-section, my for the first time being labelled as having glucose intolerance and a few other things. All these fed to a very imaginative mind like mine, and you have a very worried pregnant woman.
Having to check my blood sugar put me off and as usual I made a big drama of it most of the time. Would I become a diabetic, am I going to have a bad delivery, etc etc, blah, blah. All these were heaped on hubby dearest, him being the nearest one & only one to be blamed for my prediction.
Everyone else was so very happy and looking forward for the finale except me - yes I wanted to get over it fast but at the same time, having someone to chaperone you around, food materializing at ungodly time at the click of a finger, I was starting to enjoy the extra attention even though I still had all those worries.
Finally, the day came, off I went into the OT for a planned C-section. I felt a sudden sensation of vacuum in me esp my belly & my darling Saathana was out. We already had a name for her before she was born.
The next few weeks was a whirlwind of life with a new baby, adjusting life back to normal and the like.
I was still annoyed sometimes, at my ownself for having her too far apart from the elder 2 but then again, how was I to know! It was unplanned!
Motherhood was tougher this time around but I must admit that this is the most enjoyable time of my life so far.
She 's just so gregarious, so full of life, always giggling, her face bursts into smiles everytime she sees me and that is more than enough to make my day. She is cheeky, adorable, someone with whom you can spend hours with without getting bored. Sometimes her baby talk surprises me - she is so grown up! She is very loving and possessive of her elder siblings.
She's like a kind of drug to me, I need to be with her, no matter how much she 'tortures' me with her demands and tantrums. In her, I see so much of myself yet she is so different from me. No matter, she is the apple of our eyes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING! AMMA LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.